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February 13, 2004
press release
Burke, Inc. Announces Change of Headquarters Location, New Products
Friday, Feb. 13, 3:13 pm ET
Move Hailed as "Really Freaking Cold, but Probably Worth It in the End"
NORTHVILLE, Mich.--(AP)--Feb. 13, 2004--Burke, Inc., formally announced today its long-expected change of headquarters location. Many customers and associates of Burke, Inc. already knew about the change, but not all of them took the four or five seconds to read the handcrafted, diligently-worked-on insert in the holiday mailer which detailed the new contact information for the company. As a result, the company decided that a release was in order because they were tired of their inbox getting overloaded with requests for the new contact information. (The company's attorney in Naples, FL was a key offender.)
New company contact information:
42404 Waterwheel Ct. W.
Northville, MI 48323
248-349-1212
Eric Cell: 248-767-9359
Jenn Cell: 248-767-6711
Concurrent with the change of location, Burke, Inc. today announced the plans for OffSpring 2.0, a follow-on to the wildly successful OffSpring 1.0 (product name: AJaye), which was launched on July 20, 2001. Jennifer Crocker Burke, formerly VP of product development and now President, COO, CEO, Chairwoman, and CMO (Chief Mom Officer), said that even though the first year after releasing version 1.0 was "an insanely rough time", the maintenance costs of the product are decreasing day by day, with the Joy Factor growing exponentially. "It was time to release version 2.0 now that we are in a nice groove with 1.0."
Eric Burke, the former CEO of Burke, Inc., is now in the dual role of CFO and company lackey. "Don't ask me about products, all I do is work. Then I go to the new headquarters to rip down bannisters, run wire, and babysit contractors."
As with version 1.0, Ms. Crocker Burke has her team working very hard on the product. Unfortunately, her team makes her (literally) sick to her stomach. "This sucks," said Ms. Crocker Burke. "I hope my team can get it together soon or I'm going to kill someone."
OffSpring 2.0 is due to be released around August 7, 2004. Of course, the product team never tells management when it will be done -- they just simply package up the product and send it out the door, usually with less than 24 hours' notice.
Current product screenshots can be seen below. Stay tuned for details
Visit AJaye's weblog: http://ajaye.burke.name/
Visit Eric's weblog: http://eric.burke.name/
About Burke, Inc.
Burke, Inc. is a corporation formed in July 1999 out of a partnership agreement beginning in Farmington Hills, Mich. in October 1995. Company headquarters are in Northville, Mich. Current products on the market
include OffSpring 1.0 (AJaye), which is now two and one-half years old and sweet as pie; Sophie 1.0 (February 1999), a canine product; and Sophie 2.0 (known simply as Mini-Me, or Minnie) (August 1999), which is a smaller, faster, more agressive (but equally loving) version of Sophie 1.0. Both are third-party products of unknown origin which were sold to Burke, Inc. by rights holder HumaneSociety.com.
Posted by eburke at February 13, 2004 3:32 PM
Comments
The geek in you is ever present and becoming more and more intense, Eric, but I have to admit…the geek in me likes your shit.
Carry on.
Mitch
Posted by: Mitch Kozub on February 13, 2004 4:05 PM ESTGood to hear from you man. Glad to hear everything’s doing great.
Posted by: Trevor Bechtel on February 13, 2004 4:22 PM ESTIf the “team gets it together soon”, will there be plans for Offspring 3.0 or will the company lackey receive orders to start cutting wire?
Posted by: Podracky on February 20, 2004 8:35 AM ESTsorry, but i only “cut wire” on things that (a) carry electrical signals and (b) are not attached to my body in any way. you’ll have to speak to the CMO about tying up some, um, “loose ends”.
Posted by: eburke on February 21, 2004 8:30 AM ESTDude, name suggestion for you!
http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/articles/0628ESPN-ON.html
Posted by: Brandon Fuller on June 29, 2004 12:54 AM EDTDude, congrats.
Hope you enjoyed the shopping for winter stuff.
Glad to see that you are doing well.
I have baby #2 coming in the next two weeks also.
Hope all is well and stay in touch
Darren
Posted by: Darren Tracy on December 10, 2004 3:06 PM EST
Flash: SEC investigating false claims from Burke Inc. Rumor has it that the real CEO is AJaye
Posted by: former ceo on February 13, 2004 4:04 PM ESTand that all other employees serve as cooks, housekeepers and chauffeurs.